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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

5 Types of TV Shows that Need to Stop Being Made

TV is full of crap. So full of crap that there's no room for any of the good shows we actually want to see. Here's five types of shows that TV stations really need to stop airing, starting with:

#5 Fishing Shows

Now New Zealand doesn't have many free-to-air channels. Now there was a time during weekend day time television where channels one, two, and three were all airing fishing shows AT THE SAME FREAKING TIME! So to escape fishing show number one, you'd go to channel two... Wait, no they're fishing... So go to channel three, there must be somethi- oh wait no, they're fishing, with a twist though! They're doing it on the beach instead of a boat! If I honestly wanted to indulge of the long dullness of fishing, I'd buy a rod, hop on a boat and go do it myself!

#4 Bachelor/bachelorette Style Shows

One guy, twelve women, or vice versa, and they're all competing to win the heart of this one man or woman... That is, until they make the next season, in which he/she dumps the winner, and twelve new men/women fight over him...
What would make these shows interesting, is if the competitors were thrown on an island with weapons scattered all over, and they had to death match for the girl. Last man standing gets the girl. No men standing? Well then the girl misses out I guess. Best part is, you would only need one episode instead of an entire season!


It'll be a hit!

The trouble is, these shows aren't as awesome as that concept. It's all rinse and repeat of the same formula. I've lost count of how many varieties of these kind of shows exist. From Bachelor to Flava of Love, same thing, different douchebag, and frankly the competitors are just as lousy as the douche or douchette they're trying to score.

#3 Cooking Shows

Now don't get me wrong, I love food. Food is great! But I like to eat food, not watch people cook it on TV. Let's face it, it's boring! Sure, a lot of what they make looks scrumptious, but it also makes me hungry, and when I get hungry I go out and buy food. Wait... Cooking shows... Oh god! They're only there to make people hungry so they go buy food!!! Why didn't I see this connection before?!
Conspiracy theories aside, cooking shows are dull. When I want to learn how to cook a meal, I don't turn on the TV, I go to a cook book, or I Google the recipe.

#2 Home Rennovation Shows

I don't even know why these are on TV! Seriously! There's enough god damn construction sites around town, if I wanted to watch someone renovate their room, I'd go to their freaking house and grab a seat and some popcorn! But of course that would be weird, so it's a good thing I don't want to do that.
From observation, the formula goes something like this: Couple hates their room, production crew comes in to save the day, they start off designing, they start building, everything is going fine and dandy then uh-oh!!! Disaster strikes! Something fucks up and the couple get bitchy and then they go over budget, then the ad break comes, show returns, and the room is all pretty and finished and the show's host discusses with the couple about how the renovating went without a hitch and they were only slightly over budget. Behind the scenes, I'm sure they still hate the room.

#1 Survivor

Now this show I swear is the reason why we never have any good shows! I never understood why people watch this crap. Oh wait, people like watching people bitch at each other and back stab and create all sorts of drama, and that's all this show was to me, a whole bunch of bitching and back stabbing and maybe a little bit of competiton...
...to see who could bitch the loudest. Let's see them survive this:

There's over 22 seasons of this show, and that's just the American version! This show passed its use-by date before the first season was even aired. I think it's time they gave it up and left room for some shows that actually deserve the air time, and stop cancelling the good ones!!!